The Bad Beginning
by Mountain Bluebird
Summary: Changed from I Am Werewolf. The tale of Remus Lupin through Hogwarts IS COMPLETELY DONE! Sequel, Hear Me Howl, will be up...sometime. Romance, death, shamrocks, and my alter ego.
1. Bitten

I am the Werewolf

I: Bitten

I was nine when I was bitten. We were going to have a campfire in the backyard like my mum had done when she was little. I was getting firewood, and it was kind of dark. Something cracked nearby, and I jumped; I knew it wasn't me. I froze and looked around. There was a pair of red eyes watching me through a bush. I screamed for Dad, and the wolf jumped on top of me. It started tearing my arm to shreds. All I remember is seeing a chunk of muscle hanging off my arm in the light of Dad's stunning spell. I still have nightmares about that.

When I woke up, I almost screamed, and then I realized that I was in Mum's lap. I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital bed, at St. Mungo's, presumably. Dad was sitting next to me and watching me with an expression I didn't quite recognize. Pity, anger, and maybe a little fear. I wasn't sure where the fear came from.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well," Dad began, clearly uncomfortable about something he was about to say, "you...well, that was a werewolf."

That didn't make sense for a minute. Why had Dad been so uncomfortable about telling me that? _Oh, god_, I thought. "A werewolf?" Dad nodded. I started swearing and crying at the same time. Dad gave Mum a look that said clearly, _Give him a break_.

So that was why he looked scared. I was a werewolf. What would that mean, though? I was nine then—I didn't really understand. I just knew that it would not be good.

I calmed down a little. "A werewolf." I swallowed. "What's going to happen?"

"Well," Mum said, "when we leave, we'll register you at the ministry, they'll tell us what to do on the full moon and life will go as usual, I guess. As far as we know."

I shook my hair out of my eyes. I saw gray in it, and I hoped it was just the light. "Will it make a difference?"

"Yes, but only if people know," Mum told me. "I wouldn't tell anyone if I were you; not unless you know them really well. If you tell, people will be afraid of you. I know it's not fair, Remus, but that's the way it's going to be. People just don't really like werewolves."

I started swearing again. This was not good, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

Two days later I left St. Mungos. We went to the werewolf office, and I was registered. They were very nice about it, but that didn't make me feel any better. Those three days were probably some of the worst in my life, and I've had some pretty bad days.

Three weeks later it was the full moon. Dad took me out into the forest as soon as it started getting dark and chained me to an oak tree in a large clearing. He put a silencing spell on the clearing and climbed a tree nearby to make sure I didn't get away. I looked at the sky. The moon was just peeking over the tops of the trees.

I felt my hands and feet change. I looked at them. My fingers and toes were fusing and getting longer. But as I watched, my range of vision changed. I could see farther to the sides. I didn't really remember anything—just a faint picture of Dad repairing the chain after I had broken it, and me getting tangled up trying to climb the tree. I woke up very late the next morning bruised and scratched, and with a bad headache.


	2. The Shrieking Shack

**A/N: Thank you! I am so happy people are actually reading it! (sniff) Katameran, sorry about the wait—I type slow. Dragix, I have fixed this chapter up just for you. I do pay attention to the details of Harry Potter, but it seems I've forgotten a few things. Thank you for pointing them out and not being nice. And the haunted thing—I thought that it would make sense if they just used a previously "haunted" house so that people would hear it and just say, "Oh, the ghost is back. Time dances on." And the chapter thing—I didn't see the second chapter the day after I posted it, so I thought that it didn't take. I fixed that. Anyway....**

**II: The Shrieking Shack**

My Hogwarts letter came as a huge relief, despite my parents' assurances that Dumbledore would take a werewolf. Mum and I Flooed to Diagon Alley and got my stuff. I have never liked Floo Powder, but at least it didn't hurt as much as flying would have. I met a few first years in the shops. Among them were Sirius Black and Seve—Snivelly. I hated Snivelly right off, and that has never really changed.

A week later all of us went to London (it was my longest flight ever, and, Merlin, was my rear sore). Dad gave me a letter for Dumbledore. I was not at all curious about it; I knew exactly what was in it without the trouble of opening it.

Dad helped me pull my trunk on and I waved a glum goodbye. I dragged my trunk down the corridor full of students. People broke off in twos and threes, and eventually I was alone in the corridor. I plodded along and someone called my name from the compartment I had just passed.

"Oy, um—Remus! In here!" It was Sirius Black. I turned around and went in. He helped me get my trunk into a corner. There was a small boy with black hair sitting in the corner. He looked totally relaxed.

"I'm James Potter," he said. "You're Remus..."

"Lupin," I finished. "Hi." This all was very awkward, for some reason.

"Sit down before the train bumps and you fall," Sirius said cheerfully. He took his small black owl out of its cage. "This is Nimue."

"Good name," James commented. When'd you get her?"

We chatted about things like that for about an hour, and I really liked them. James was about as normal as a wizard got, and was very polite about things that made people uncomfortable. He was also one of the sturdiest people I've ever met—he would have tickled a dragon if he had promised he would do it. Sirius was tactless and stoic, but saw things others didn't. His parents fawned on his younger brother and generally called him a blood traitor, since Sirius didn't like the Slytherin influence on his family. Sirius was very glad that he was finally going to Hogwarts and wouldn't see his parents ten months out of twelve.

About five minutes after the food trolley came by, a small boy with thin brown hair and watery eyes came by. He wasn't quite repulsive, but he certainly wasn't pretty.

"'S up?" Sirius asked, looking a little bugged. He had been in the middle of a rather funny story about the time his mother had dropped her wand on the house-elf, Kreacher, whom Sirius also hated.

"Well, the prefects just came by, and one took my seat." He sounded a little whiny.

"C'mon in, there's room. So Kreacher turned green...."

By the time we got to Hogwarts, we established Peter, the not pretty one, as a bit of a whiner and a tag-along. He was melodramatic, a coward, had no sense of humor, was sharp as a razor, and as practical as salt. These were bad in combination. None of us really liked him, and none of us had the heart to make him go away. I often wonder where the practicality went.

If you know anything about first days at Hogwarts, I need not bother describing mine. It was quite normal. We were all Gryffindors, but the hat spent quite a while on Peter—probably trying to put him in Slytherin. He deserved it.

Pretty soon, we all knew what we were good at. James was flying lesson star, and got top Transfiguration grades. Sirius was good at Astronomy, to my consternation—I hadn't told anyone I was a werewolf. Peter was bad at almost everything but potions. I was good at Defense against the Dark Arts, but I said nothing of it. I didn't think it was because of any special talent—I just wanted to protect the world from beasts like me.

The proto-Marauders' first criminal act was simple enough—a first-year girl had had hysterics because Moaning Myrtle had screamed at her while she was using the toilet. We hid under James's invisibility cloak and teased Myrtle until she had a flying fit (literally) and decided to flood the bathroom.

Soon it was the full moon. The day before during break I claimed to have left my book in the library and went to McGonagall's office.

"Yes, Remus?" she said, glancing up from the homework she was grading.

"Well, it's the full moon tomorrow, Professor..."

"Oh, yes. I had been going to find you. Go down to the hospital wing and tell Madam Davison to show you what to do. I'd go at least fifteen minutes before moonrise."

I nodded. I wished I wasn't a werewolf.

"Very well. Off you go."

The next evening I told James and Sirius that I had to finish the potions essay due tomorrow—which I had quietly done during break. I didn't say where I was going. I glanced out the window. The sun was setting. I jogged to the hospital wing.

Madam Davison was waiting at the door. "You're here," she said, "I was just about to go get you. Follow me." She led me out onto the grounds. We went about a quarter of the way around the lake, then toward the forest. Madam Davison stopped me in front of an old, angry-looking willow that swayed, but not in the breeze. "Watch, and don't forget." She picked up a rock and threw it at the tree. The tree thrashed around, and I almost screamed. It was like it was trying to find and kill whoever had hit it with the rock. Its roots were throwing earth everywhere with a frightening creaking noise.

"It's a Whomping Willow," Madam Davison told me when it stopped. "Watch." She picked up a long stick and poked a knot on the trunk. Instead of thrashing around, it held completely still—it was rather disconcerting and scary. "Hurry! It won't stay long." We ran through the tree's territory to a small hole between two roots. She hopped in with more agility than I knew she had, and I followed. I met her at the bottom of a rough slide. We were in a hallway.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"You know that old, abandoned shack in Hogsmeade? No, you don't. Everybody thinks it's haunted. You'll see it from the outside when you're older. Now go down that hall." She pointed to my left. "The third door on your right is probably the best room—thick door, unfurnished. The moon's going to rise in a couple minutes, so I'd better go." She gave me a hug. "I wish this was easier." She left.

"Me, too," I whispered as I went down the hall.

I woke up in my room at eight as if nothing had happened the night before, but I had a couple more scars.


	3. The Marauders' Map

**All right. I have a chapter 3 now. Sorry it took so long—I've been kinda busy. Read on. Things start getting a little interesting. **

**III: The Marauders' Map**

The rest of the year and the summer were dull. Life went on as it always had at home, with the exception of some homework.

The Marauders, as we had chosen to call ourselves at the end of our first year, met on the train back to school to discuss our back-to-school prank. As I remember, it involved a plate of toast, the Slytherin table, and a spray bottle of Hiccupping Draught. More than half the Slytherins had hiccups all day.

Maybe a week after that, Peter was bullied by a third year into stealing something out of Filch's office—I don't remember what—and he was caught. We had been caught a few times, and Sirius had always managed to get us out of it, but that made us realize that, if we wanted to put something special into our troublemaking crusade, we would need some sort of alarm system. We all thought very hard about this, but didn't come up with anything for a very long time.

One night James, Peter and I were arguing about something in our bedroom when Sirius looked at Steve's cat as if he'd never seen it before, then put some funny spell on it and another spell on his quill. The cat didn't do anything, but Sirius' quill moved on his parchment as the cat went to its usual chair. We watched it.

"How did you do that?" we all asked.

Sirius bit his tongue. "I don't know if I can get it off...." He said something else to the cat, and the quill went still. "_Mobilius scriptor_," he said to James. Something glowed in his shoes. "Go somewhere." James walked around the room with his fingers touching the wall—and the pen drew the room. Then he sat down.

Peter was wearing the face he always wore when he was going to have one of his rare, random brainwaves. "I just had a beautiful idea," he said.

"Well, do us a favor, Pete, and tell us."

"Well...if we if we mapped the school somehow, and somehow put that spell on everyone who came in, we'd be able to keep track of people."

Sirius looked impressed, and said something to the point where the lines James had "drawn" crossed. "All right. Go." James walked around the bed, and the dot at the crossing point moved in a rectangle. "We could put it in the stone, and coordinate it with the map....Each person'd have a dot, and it would move around the map as they moved around the school." Sirius smiled evilly. "We could be great."

"Fine," James said, "but Seeker tryouts are tomorrow. G'night."

The next morning during breakfast, Peter had another brainwave. "There's something my dad told me about last summer...legi—legilimency."

"And that is..."

"A spell that lets you read people's minds."

"Why are you telling us?" I thought it sounded illegal, but I kept it to myself.

"Well, we could use it to know people's names." Peter had adopted that airy, annoyed air he always did when he was explaining his more exotic ideas. "Then we'd know the difference between, say, me and Filch."

"I see where this is going, now..." James said. He arranged his breakfast in a smiley face.

"How'd tryouts go, by the way?" I asked him.

"Oh, well enough, I guess. They let the snitch go and we had to catch it before ten minutes were up. I caught it in four. Top three."

That night Peter went to the library with James' cloak. He came back in half an hour with a huge leather-bound book with crackly old pages.

He dumped it unceremoniously on the bed. "I think this'll do." He flipped to the middle and skipped a few pages. He stopped at a title page. It said, _The Artes of the Minde. Chapter VIII: The Usefull Artes of Legilimencie and Occlumencie. _"Fetch that cat," he said. Steve's cat had always been the guinea pig of our various experiments, but we didn't know its name. Sirius put the cat on the bed and moved away. Peter gave me the book. "Read this page." He flipped to a page and pointed to a marked off section.

"_Legilimencie is a moste usefull arte..._blah, blah...ah. _Bring the thoughtes that thou wouldst most wish to know of thy subjecte to the fore of thy minde."_

"OK. I want to know your name."

"_Bend all thy thoughte upon these and firmly hold thy wande, pointing it at thy subjecte." _Peter raised his wand. "_Say thou the incantation 'Legilimens' and the thoughtes that thou wouldst read should appear in thine own minde."_ Peter put on a face of concentration and said the spell. The cat started having a sort of seizure.

"This isn't supposed to happen, is it?" Sirius asked me.

I looked at the next line. Nothing about seizures. "I don't think so."

Suddenly the cat went limp. "I don't think I got it quite right, but its name is Cloud."

"It's probably just 'cause it's your first try."

"I s'pose."

Three weeks later, all of us could do legilimency without hurting Cloud, and Sirius could do it without us noticing that the cat noticed. We started writing down the other spells we would have to use to make this work, and the list got quite lengthy. There was Protean, to keep track of everybody, a spell to make the spell spread all over the grounds from where we cast it, Sirius' spell, and a whole bunch of others. I wonder if the other Marauders would have been able to be Animagi if we hadn't made the Marauders' Map.

By Easter, we had everything ready, but one thing, and the most important. We didn't have a map to put all this on. Sirius solved that problem for us. He exploded a dungbomb in the hall farthest from Filch's office, had his girlfriend tell Filch, and then James invaded the office while he was gone. James came to the common room a few minutes later with a folded piece of parchment. It was perfect. We drew a few more secret passageways on over time, but when we got it, it had everything we knew about, including the grounds, including, to my dismay, the passageway under the whomping willow. We cast our spells, and we were enlightened. The school was ours.


	4. Discovery

**Chapter IV: Discovery**

Our third year back-to-school trick was our most audacious ever, including the ones that came later. We all hid under James' invisibility cloak and followed a gang of Slytherins (including Snivelly) into the best corridor for echoes, then said weird things to scare them. We herded them into the seventh floor mirror room and locked them in for an hour or so, then let them out. They all ran to Filch, and we snickered as they described the cruel things the bunch of ghosts had said to them. Nobody ever knew it was us, and I'm surprised nobody guessed.

The full moon after that, I had "forgotten my assignment" again. When I woke up the next morning, James was glaring at me.

"What?" I yawned.

"Why have you been lying for the past three years?" he asked. Sirius and Peter were watching me, too.

"What?"

"We couldn't find you last night, so we looked on the map," Peter told me. He got the map out and opened it. "You were here." He pointed at the passageway under the willow tree. "What were you doing there?"

I hugged my knees. "Guys, I really don't think you want to hear this...."

"Yeah, well, we do."

"You won't like it...."

"So what?"

"But...."

"WHAT?"

"I'm a werewolf."

Silence.

"How could I be so stupid?" Sirius chided himself. We stared at him. "I've known you were only out on the full moon since first year. That was the one thing I didn't think of."

James turned back to me. He looked very sorry. "Remus, mate, why didn't you tell us?"

"I—I thought you'd hate me." I held back the tears that stung my eyes, but didn't have a lot of success.

"Remus, you're an idiot," Sirius said fondly.

I laughed weakly, but not at all happily. "You don't know what it's like! I always have to be counting down the days until I have to go and torture myself again, and I can't tell anybody because they'll be afraid, and—"

"Whoa, slow down. You told us. We're not afraid of you."

"We'll help you," James promised.

"Yeah, we will," agreed Peter.

And that was that. All things said, it really made me feel better.

A few days later, they were still stumped on what they could do to help me. But then Peter had another brainwave after Transfiguration.

"We know you've thought of something," Sirius said irritably. "Please tell us what it is."

"Well, Professor McGonagall just told us about Animagi..."

"So?" James said.

"And _animals_ can't be werewolves...."

I saw where this was going. "No way, Peter. I'm _not_ letting you do that. Sure, they can't be werewolves, but they can die, and I could kill them. I'm not going to let you."

Sirius looked thoughtful. "It does have its merits, Remus. If we're biggish animals, it'll be a little hard for you, right? And animals aren't completely defenseless."

"They'll have to be really big, Siri. A werewolf in wolf form is big."

"How big, approximately?"

"Oh, I dunno. Four feet tall?"

James whistled. "That's pretty big."

"A deer's about that big," Peter said. "Has antlers, too. Or a big dog, or a horse, or a bull, but people'd notice a bull running around Hogwarts."

"How long did it take you to think of those, Pete?" Sirius asked a bit derisively.

"A little while," Peter said, clearly unaware that Sirius was teasing him.

"Guys," I said, "I still don't plan on agreeing."

"C'mon, Remus," Sirius pleaded. "It'd be fun. We could go in the Forbidden Forest and stuff."

"And you wouldn't hurt yourself as much," James added.

I considered it. I grudgingly admitted to myself that it _did_ kind of sound like fun. "All right. I'll think about it. No promises."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Good enough."

That night I lay awake very late, thinking about this mad idea Peter had. Sure, it sounded great, but the risks involved were larger than I felt right about letting them take. What if I killed one of them? Even if I just hurt one of them, it would be a bruise on my conscience. If I did hurt one of them, and we couldn't fix it, I'd have to explain what was going on, and I'd be cut off from people for the rest of my life. What if Animagi _could _be werewolves, even if they were bitten in animal form? I put all the what-ifs out of my mind and decided to concentrate on the good parts for a minute. It would be fun. That came first, of course. We'd be able to see lots of things that were going on in the forest, which would probably be very interesting. What else? I wasn't sure. I wanted to do it, since I was a Marauder, but I didn't want them to get hurt, that was the problem. But they apparently knew what was at stake. How, then, could I say that it was completely my fault? They knew what could happen, and would do everything to prevent it. Let them do it if they think they can. That decided, I fell asleep.

The next morning Sirius looked me in the eye. "So?" he said, raising one eyebrow. None of the rest of us could do that, and we'd all tried.

I sighed. "If you think you can do it without getting hurt, I won't stop you. But you do know the risks involved?"

James rolled his eyes. "You sound like a teacher. We know." He frowned suddenly. "Incidentally, Peter, do you know if an animagus can become a werewolf if he is bitten while he is an animal?"

Peter smiled knowingly. "Nope. Looked it up right after class."

"Well, that's settled then," Sirius said conversationally, as if he were talking about the weather instead of an extremely dangerous and illegal decision.

**A/N: Thank you, reviewers. I really appreciate it. I need a little help with the next chapter. In the next chapter, Lupin meets his girlfriend, a slightly unusual Ravenclaw named Lia Hathaway. I have not fallen in love enough to be able to write about it from his point of view, so I need advice. GIVE ME BAD ADVICE AT YOUR OWN RISK: I will take everything seriously, and probably apply a lot of it. **


	5. Lia

**A/N: Sorry it took so long. I'm going to give love stories a shot. Thank you, Lady Meriadoc. If this is too corny, or I didn't do something right, or if it just plain stinks, let me know, and I will edit it accordingly. Enjoy! (I hope.)**

**V: Lia**

Third year passed, and spells were written for the process of becoming an animagus. They generally kept their transfiguration business to themselves, but occasionally they would let me know how things were going. Fourth year was quite uneventful, but Sirius managed to dump three girlfriends, and James caught the snitch in two minutes and won Gryffindor the Quidditch Cup.

Towards the end of the summer, I got my usual Hogwarts letter. It seemed oddly lumpy, so I opened it immediately even though it was barely seven in the morning. A letter fell onto my blanket and I opened it. A badge fell out. A badge that was red and gold with a P on it. P is for prefect. I was a prefect? How had that happened? I looked at the letter. _We are pleased to inform you that you have become a school prefect. _How remarkable. I was probably one of the school's bigger troublemakers. After it had sunk in, I saw what this meant. I would have to try to control my friends, since I appeared to be the only one with a sense of responsibility. _How _did Dumbledore expect me to exercise any control over the Marauders? I just kept it a secret because I didn't know what to do about it, but I did go down to the prefects' car on the train ride back to school.

"Where've you been?" James asked when I had found them. Then he saw the badge. His mouth fell open. "No way. Dumbledore'd _never_ do that."

"Well, he did." I fell into one of the chairs. "You guys save me anything?"

Peter tossed me a chocolate frog.

"Looks like our troublemaking days are over, dunnit?"

"Oh, shut up. I don't like this any more than you do. Do what you like—just not anything terribly drastic, and don't kill anybody. I'll try to ignore you." I don't know why I said that, to this day. It was one of the less responsible things I've done.

By October, Peter told me, they had written down most of the incantations necessary to becoming an Animagus. I was nervous about that How soon would they be done? Peter said in a few weeks, certainly before Christmas. That was soon. I was even more nervous. The three of them were hiding more often, and they would take the map so I wouldn't be able to find them.

One of those lonely Saturdays, I was going to the library to do some homework when I fell down a flight of stairs. Suddenly someone behind me shouted "_Impedimenta_!" twice. I stopped dead halfway through a somersault, and I heard somebody shout. It was Snivelly. I heard the person say, "_Petrificus totalus_," and the shout stopped short. A Ravenclaw girl came down the stairs. She was short, and had dirty blond hair. She wore muggle clothes, and she was barefoot so her feet made no noise.

"Y'all right?" she asked, grabbing my hand to keep me from falling as she removed the Impediment Jinx.

"Fine, thanks." I dropped her hand, though I would have liked to have kept it. "How did you know to come here?"

"I saw Snape sneaking about," she told me, scampering back up the stairs, "and I've seen him enough to be able to tell when he's up to no good." She peered at me. "You're Remus Lupin, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Who're you?"

"Lia Hathaway." She was still looking intently at my face, as if something about it was interesting. It made me rather uncomfortable. She shrugged as if telling herself, "It doesn't matter anyway," and turned toward Snape. "_Finite,_" she whispered. He unfroze and his body relaxed. He raised his wand, but Lia grabbed his wrist. "He's all yours, Remus." I shook my head. She looked my way and whispered something. Snape's hair turned violently pink, and he didn't notice. "I suggest you leave before Mr. Lupin changes his mind." Snape muttered a long string of curses as he left.

"Why did you do that?" I asked.

Lia shrugged. "He deserved it." She picked up her bag and went down to the library. I followed. We set up our things at the same table for no good reason.

"D'you know the things that identify a werewolf?" she asked after she had spent a long time nibbling her quill. "The page on werewolves in my book fell out, and I lost it."

Thinking that this was too odd to be a coincidence, I told her, "Snout's blunter, tail's longer, darker fur, higher howl, and longer jaw."

"Thanks." She scribbled a few things on a page and Spellotaped it in her book, then returned to her essay.

A while later I was stumped on a question on Venomous Tentaculas.

She laughed. "Oh, that's simple. You just slap the yellow spot and they go to sleep. I work in the greenhouses sometimes."

"Why?"

"No reason, really. I just like to. Kitchens, too. I've seen you down there a fair few times," she said, looking sidelong at me.

I turned pink. I was _supposed_ to be a prefect....

"How'd it go?" I asked the others on their return to the common room.

"Fine," James said.

"Who's Lia Hathaway?" Sirius asked, still looking at the map.

"A Ravenclaw girl. Why?"

Sirius smiled. "Oh, no reason."

"Did you guys see Snivelly on your way here?"

"Yeah," Peter answered. "You're going to tell us why he was wearing a balaclava inside in October?"

"Lia turned his hair pink." They all laughed.

"So that's why you were in the library with her," Sirius concluded.

I turned red. "I guess so."

"We were wondering when you'd come around, mate," James teased.

"Oh, shut up. I haven't." _Yet,_ I added to myself.

The two of us would often do homework together while the other Marauders were working on their spells and charms. I wasn't sure why I did it, but I did. Lia was smart, talkative if one said the right thing, and a bit cynic. She was the sort of girl who is worth talking to. I knew she thought there was something different about me, but she never mentioned it.

One of those days in the library, a month or so after the first, I remembered that it was a Hogsmeade weekend. Should I ask her out? Do I really like her that much? It rose in my throat like someone trying to choke me. Finally I decided to ask her. I liked her, and if she didn't like me she would say no.

"Lia," I said a bit hoarsely.

"What?" she answered, not looking up from her diagram of the innards of a Kneazle.

"It's a Hogsmeade weekend...."

She still didn't look up, but I saw her smile. "I know that."

"Would you go with me?"

"What does that imply?" She put down her quill, and I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"It implies," I said, my voice shaking, "that I would be very happy if you did that, darling." I flamed in the face. _Why_ had I said that?

"Oh, all right," she replied, laughing.

**A/N: Well, how was that? It wasn't at all like my first draft, but that's what a first draft is for. **


	6. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

**A/N: Lady Meriadoc, thank you so much. I added a month in the fifth chapter, but I didn't have anything to happen in it. It's there, but you don't see it. Hope this is good.**

**VI: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs**

When I got back to the common room, I was still blushing. James, Sirius and Peter were already there, and of course they saw.

"You don't need to bother telling us Remus, we already know," Sirius assured me.

"I'm so glad," I snapped.

"Good for you. You're meeting her in Hogsmeade?" James inquired.

"At noon."

"Uh-huh."

"We should be done this week," Peter whispered. Apparently he wasn't supposed to say that, because Sirius elbowed him hard.

"That's...great. I'm still not quite sure about this, but I guess it's too late."

"Yep, it is." James checked his watch. "I've got Quidditch practice in ten minutes, see you later."

Sirius was still staring at me looking a bit puzzled.

"What?" I asked.

"What do you like about her, Remus?" he asked amiably. Peter stared at him.

"Well, she's smart, she's funny—she's just like you, really." I frowned. I had never noticed it, and that was a little odd. "Why?"

"Oh, just wondering."

_Just wondering_. Ha.

That Saturday I spent almost fifteen minutes agonizing over clothing, and finally Sirius woke up halfway said, "Just wear normal clothes. 'S what I do." So I did, and I was still all jumpy, and it was only eight in the morning.

We went down to Hogsmeade at ten, and went straight to Zonko's. I will not tell you about the bags and bags of things we bought in case Filch finds this—he still makes me nervous. Then we went to the owl shop, since Peter's owl had died. He got a black owl that was about half as tall as he was and named it Hades. It was a fitting name. Then Sirius remembered that he had forgotten to get some Filibuster's and we went back to Zonko's. Lia was there this time, and she had nearly as large a smorgasbord of chaos as we did. She was with a tall redhead who looked a bit unhappy to be there.

"Man, I'm jealous," Sirius said, looking at Lia's bag. I elbowed him.

Lia saw me and came over. "Hi, everybody."

"We'll just go, shall we?" James said. Lia nodded. "Meet us in the common room around two." He smiled at Redhead who glared.

"Lily, could you pay for this?" Lia said to Redhead, giving her the bag and carefully counting out some money.

"Oh, yes, try to push me off," she grumbled. "Have fun."

When she had gone, we stood next to eachother in awkward silence. I decided to break it. "Do you want to go have lunch?"

"Sure." We went to the Three Broomsticks and got sandwiches. I saw Sirius there, and he gave me the thumbs-up. "Don't let her pay," he mouthed. I rolled my eyes, but paid. After lunch we walked around the streets of the village holding hands and not saying anything.

"My mum told me that there was a path up that mountain," she said when we got to the outskirts of the village. She pointed to a smallish one with a treeless top covered with chalk boulders. "D'you want to go see?"

"Sure." She led the way to the foot of it and looked around, picking a spot next to a little stream to go into the forest. Soon we found an animal track, and followed it. It was winding and slippery, but went to the top after a forty-five minute climb. Seventeen years later, Sirius hid on that mountain. When we got up, there was a sheer rock face maybe ten feet high and flat on top. Lia picked a spot and climbed up like a cat, and I followed less gracefully. It was windy up there, and it drizzled a little, but the view was amazing. We sat there with our arms around each other's shoulders, looking at the school below. I had never fully appreciated how beautiful Hogwarts was until I climbed Bald Mountain.

Lia put her head on my shoulder. "Remus?"

"Mm?" I answered.

"You're a werewolf, aren't you?"

I looked out to the Whomping Willow. Even that looked beautiful. "Yeah." I held her tighter. "How did you know?"

"My brother's a werewolf, too. One can tell. My dad ran away when he was bitten. Dad was a Muggle."

I was utterly bewildered. What does one say to that? "Well....um....Sorry." I knew I had to say something, but that was one dumb thing to say.

She laughed. She did that a lot. I think she lived in a very amusing world. "You're _so_ bad at saying things. But that's all right." She kissed me and I felt like everyone in the world was watching. She saw me blushing and let go of my hair. "Do you love me, Remus?"

"Yes."

"Then what is there to be embarrassed about?" I thought about it. I didn't know. I kissed her tentatively. It started raining harder.

I got back to the common room half an hour late, soaked through, red as a tomato, and smiling so widely that my jaws hurt. When the Fat Lady opened the portrait hole and giggled at me, Sirius, James and Peter burst out laughing. I stopped smiling and sat in the empty chair near them. I put my head on my hands and tried to decide whether I should laugh or scream.

"We were starting to worry, mate!" James wheezed when he had stopped laughing.

"It's not as horribly funny as you seem to think," I snapped.

"Oh, we'll get detention!" Sirius said in falsetto. "I'm so scared! So, where did you go?" Peter tossed me a chocolate frog as though he was bribing me.

"We went for a walk." I bit the frog's head off savagely, and tossed the card into the fire that sputtered as rain came through the chimney.

"A_ walk,_" Sirius said with the tone of a mother whose toddler has "made cookies." "You went for a_ walk._"

"Yeah! You got a problem with that?"

"It depends." Now he sounded like Dumbledore when he knows that a punishment is in order, but is not sure how severe it should be. "Where did you go?"

"Up Bald Mountain."

"Really? Didn't know there was a trail."

"She said her mother told her. I didn't know either."

"And you kissed, did you?"

"Oh, shut up." Sirius just laughed and clapped me on the shoulder.

James looked thoughtful. "Does she know about....the thing?"

"Yeah. Her brother is, too, so she can tell." I ate the rest of the frog. I got the sense that they were waiting for something, or knew something I didn't, or had a surprise for me. I looked at them for a few minutes. They all looked like they were trying not to smile. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

James grinned. "Meet us in the seventh floor mirror in five minutes and you'll see. Let's do it." They left, shutting the portrait hole behind them with a smug sort of noise.

Five minutes later I followed. Mrs. Norris saw me and meowed, but I wasn't doing anything wrong. I tapped the skull on the frame of the mirror and it opened. Fog billowed out—Sirius has always had a love for theatrics. I stepped in, and the mirror shut. Then the very last thing I had been expecting happened. I was knocked over by an enormous black dog. At first I thought it was the Grim, then it rolled off and turned into Sirius. A stag stood majestically in front of me with a rat on one antler. The stag had James' hazel eyes that show his every emotion. The rat jumped off and turned into Peter in midair, and the stag became James. I stood there just smiling like a fool. I hugged them, and realized something: we weren't just friends; we were brothers. I almost cried.

**A/N: The end makes me so happy!**


	7. A Bad End

**Chapter VII: A Bad End**

The full moon was three days later. I went down to the Shrieking Shack as usual, and transformed. About five minutes later a rat came in and squeaked loudly. Then came a dog, then a deer. _Do not eat, _my wolf's mind thought. The deer herded me out, and we ran in the forest like the animals we were. Peter was the scout, and Sirius and James kept me in line. We saw a herd of centaurs and almost got shot, but escaped like we always have. I was barely made it to the shack by dawn to turn back, but it was worth the close shaves. In the morning I healed the Marauders because I felt a little guilty, and not at all deserving the badge I wore.

Lia and I were officially a couple now, and every Hogsmeade weekend I saved a few hours for her. Sirius turned his hair blue to match his tattoos, and got a few weird girls for it. Snape almost killed James in a duel and got a hundred points off for it, and James repaid him by flipping him upside-down for half the girls in school. Lily was not impressed. Life went on as usual.

A foot of snow into December, Lia and I were walking back to school when Lily went past, followed by a deer, and a couple hundred yards later Peter and Sirius. The deer slid to a stop in front of us, then slunk into an alley. James came out of the alley, and Lia looked suspiciously at him, then went into the alley and looked at the ground. She shook her head and came back out.

"You should be more careful, James," she scolded. "A deer walked in, but a man walked out, to see the footprints. It is illegal, you know." James smiled sheepishly and covered the tracks.

"Nice going," Sirius commented acidly.

"What were you doing, anyway?" I asked.

James looked at Lia. "You know Lily Evans?"

"Yeah. She's my roommate." Lia sighed. "I'll talk to her, James. I don't like your chances though. Meet you at breakfast." We went back to the castle, and James looked a little blue.

The next day at breakfast Lia came in and immediately hunted us down. She stood behind us, and we all turned around.

"What does she say?" James asked, his eyes shining.

Lia bit her tongue and fidgeted like a little girl who has been pushed on stage. "She said, 'I don't go out with jerks,'" Lia recited as quickly as she could.

"No!"

"Yes." She took a deep breath like she was going to cry. "I'm sorry, James, but what can I do?" She kissed me quickly and ran.

We found James fifteen minutes later torturing spiders in a secret passage. We took and illegal trip to Hogsmeade for him, and I felt very guilty about it, but so be it.

We all got all our O.W.L.s above an A (Peter only because we let him cheat), and I had an E average, but didn't mention it. Sirius' dad used the Cruciatus Curse on him over the summer, and he moved to James' house. I was given strict instructions not to tell, and I felt very bad about it. Mom gave me hours of advice on what to do about a girlfriend, which made me blush. In sixth year, life was as it had always been, except that Filch confiscated the Marauders' Map. Peter had the bright idea of summoning it, but that didn't work, and we never found it before old drip-nose came back, so we flirted with expulsion with our backs open. On our more dangerous expeditions Wormtail would keep a rearguard, but it wasn't quite the same. There were whisperings in the papers of a Lord Voldemort, and the Death Eaters. They blackmailed, tortured, or killed at night those who opposed them, and left their bodies and ruined houses with skulls of green stars floating over them. **(A/N: LOTR RULES! So does Sauron.) **That was all worth repeating.

Seventh year was blissfully dull until the dead, cold middle of February. We were in Charms. We had just gotten our wands out when Dumbledore came in.

"Frederick," he said with his usual absolute authority, "I need to see Mr. Lupin. I do not expect him to return to classes for a day or so." Flitwick licked his lips. "It's urgent."

"Yes, Professor," he conceded. "Go on, Mr. Lupin."

The Marauders gave me questioning looks. I shrugged. I didn't know what was coming. I followed Dumbledore to his office.

"Sit," he commanded. He sounded a little sad. I sat. "Here." He handed me a letter. "I'm sorry, dear boy."

I read, my hands shaking slightly.

_Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

_We have received intelligence that the Dark Lord, or more probably, the Death Eaters, have committed another crime._

I knew, unfortunately, who the Death Eaters were. I wondered what they had to do with me that was so horrible.

_We were alerted by our Magical Act Alarm System (MAAS) that the house of 15 Hidden Lane, Lincoln had been destroyed by magical force._

I read that again, to make sure it was really there. That was my house.

_The Department of Magical Catastrophes immediately sent a hit squad to the site. The team reported that the house had indeed been magically destroyed, and that its residents, Karen and Marcus Lupin, had been killed._

_Killed. _

_Killed._

"No," I whispered. I seemed to hear my voice from a long way off. Dumbledore wearily took his glasses off. "No, Professor, it can't be!" He nodded once. It was all I didn't need. I started crying, sobbing uncontrollably. I ran out of the office. The letter fluttered to the floor behind me.

_Killed._

I ran out to the lake, barely looking where I was going. I ran out up to my waist and stood there. I screamed. I threw rocks. I saw students looking out the windows at me, but they might as well not have been there. There was nothing but me and the icy lake. After a few minutes I realized I was shaking like a bead in a rattle. I splashed out and ran back to the castle.

_Killed._

I sat on my bed and cried. There was nothing to convince me not to do that, so that is what I did. Poets call it a spear in one's heart. That fell nothing short of the mark. I hated absolutely everything. I hated Dumbledore, Hogwarts, werewolves, but especially the Death Eaters and Voldemort. I think that it was then that I resolved to be an auror, even though I never did succeed in doing that.

_Killed._

I banged my head on the headboard to try to make that _killed _go away.

_Killed._

_Killed._

A while later the Marauders came in. Sirius and Peter sat on my bed and James sat on his bed in front of me.

"What's up, Moony?" James asked.

"M-my parents."

"What about your parents?"

I looked at them. They looked at me. I dropped my head onto my hands. "They're dead. Killed."

_Killed._

"Oh, God. Who?"

Voldemort," I whispered like it was a curse. And it was.

_Killed._

**A/N: Sorry, but there's worse to come. If you cry easily, quit now. You have been warned. Please review. **


	8. St Patrick's Day

**A:N/ Okay, you're all really going to hate me for this chapter later, and Remus is going to hate me again because this will be the second time I've broken his heart. (Dun dun dun!) This is a TRAGEDY! If this thing Remus does is way too abrupt, I'd be happy to hear about it. This fic has almost all the chapters I'm going to give it—maybe three more. For the sequel's title, I was thinking, The Last Word in Lonesome is Me, like the Steve Miller song. Tell me if you hate that. With no further ado, please allow me to present...**

**Chapter VIII: St. Patrick's Day**

I went back to class the next day because James thought I should. He told me that I should do something to keep me from thinking about it constantly. I threw myself at everything I was doing, and spent all my spare time studying. That night at dinner Lia very determinedly sought me out and chased me down when I tried to leave. I wanted to see her, but I didn't want to tell her.

"Remus," she said, holding my arm tightly to keep me from running away, "What the hell is going on? There's a rumor going around that you've lost your wits, I can see you've been crying, which I've never seen you do, I haven't seen you all day, and you're avoiding me. Explain yourself." I felt tears run down my face. She blinked and put an arm around my shoulders. "What's eating you, Moony? You can tell me."

"Voldemort killed his parents, Lia," Sirius said. There was a hush in the conversation around us, then whispers.

"Oh," she said. She took a deep breath between her teeth. "Oh." She sat on the bench. "I really—I don't know what to say." She paused, and then said as if to herself, "Well, don't that beat all."

I sat next to her. "You don't have to say anything," I told her. "It's done. It's over. It doesn't matter what you say." I'll admit it was a little rude, but I think I can be excused just once.

She smiled sadly. We kissed and she went back to her table.

The funeral was the next week, and I remember it like I remember full moons—just a few images. The priest giving me the holy bread (my mother had been Catholic before she had come to Hogwarts), some flowers, and the black. I'm very glad I don't remember what my parents looked like dead.

After that, life pretty much went back to normal. My life never went back to the way it had been, but I started enjoying things again—just a little. One thing rather put my teeth on edge, however—Snape, Bellatrix and Regulus Black (Sirius' cousin and brother) and a few other Slytherins would often retreat into corners, whispering, whenever I came into a room. I don't know to this day what they were doing, but it clearly had something to do with Voldemort. A few weeks after the funeral I started going out with Lia again. It seemed my parents' death had pulled us closer than ever, and I told her absolutely everything. James and Lily finally started getting along, and Peter still lacked a girlfriend. Things continued, and N.E.W.T.s were studied for.

One day James came back from Quidditch practice blushing slightly.

"Let me guess," Sirius said, barely looking up from his notes. Lily's going out with you, finally."

"You betcha." James dropped into a chair.

"When's the date, and what's the incantation for a Confusing Charm?" I asked.

"St. Pat's day, and _confundus maxos_."

"Thanks," I scribbled it down. My mind was racing. This was exactly what I'd been waiting for....

"And Lily says you and Lia can come, too," James told me.

...Exactly. "I think we will, if she okays it."

She did. I sent the message three days before St. Patrick's day, and had it owled to me. The day of, I was so nervous I got my head all the way through the sleeve of my shirt before I noticed that it was the wrong hole. Everybody laughed at me, and James yanked it off.

"What's the matter, mate?" Sirius asked. "You look like you've got a tiger on your tail."

"A tiger in front of me, more like," I grumbled, getting my pants on the right way.

"You haven't had a row with Lia, have you?"

I laughed. "Not yet."

"Then what is it?"

"You'll see soon enough." I put it in my coat pocket wrapped in my handkerchief. I willed my hands to stop shaking (and was unsuccessful) and sat on my bed to wait for everybody to go to breakfast.I didn't eat anything at breakfast.

At eleven we went down to Hogsmeade. I met Lia at the gates, then we found James and Lily. We all went down, chatting about this and that, and there was a constant buzz of nerves in my head. _I am insane. This is crazy. Why am I going to do this?_ It nearly drove me insane.

We went to the three broomsticks for lunch after James and Lia had an argument about Filibusters in Zonko's. I didn't eat anything for lunch, either, and I barely noticed I was hungry. But I finally saw some sense in what I was about to do, and I thought that it might actually work.

James and Lily went to another table to talk about things, and I knew that it was time. I blinked, took a deep breath and looked at Lia. She was gazing absentmindedly at me, stirring the cherry that floated in her smoothie with her straw. She looked like the stereotypical ditsy blonde, with her untidy ponytail, glitter lipstick, and vacant expression. But I knew that she did it on purpose. She had told me once, joking, I thought, that if she looked like a ditsy blonde she could put people's knees on backwards while they made fun of her. Would this really work? I looked for some sign, some omen that this would work. Lia smiled thoughtfully. That was all I needed.

I took it out of my pocket without looking down, and dropped it. All according to plan. I knelt down to pick it up. I wasn't quite sure that she had heard it hit the ground, but I only got one shot with this.

She looked down. I held it out to her, and she gasped.

"Will you marry me?" I whispered.

"Oh, god—Remus—yes," she spluttered. I put it on her, and she kissed me. It was so perfect!

Somebody started applauding, and there were sudden flashes of light (outside my head or in, I couldn't tell) and I realized that I was still on the floor. But I couldn't get up, not now....Finally she let me go and I could blush in peace. Everyone was still applauding, and Madam Rosmerta had her camera out. By dinner, the world I knew would know. But it was worth it.

"You did good, mate!" Sirius shouted.

**A/N: So...I hunger for your opinions. By the way, I think Ginny's real name is Virginia. Why doesn't anybody like Virginia?**


	9. The Time of Woe

**A/N: Man this took a while, and I'm very sorry. Life is always chaotic around Thanksgiving. Darryn was homeschooled like I am! Darryn never went to Hogwarts, and this is why the Shrieking Shack had to be built for Lupin, and not for Darryn. Scarhead101, I think I might've put the wrong content in chapter 9 before and neglected to give the A/N an overhaul. You'll hate me for this, but since you think it'll be a good tragedy, maybe you won't. So….**

**Chapter IX: The Time of Woe**

Lia begged me to come to her house for Easter break, and I politely declined. I thought that, given that the full moon was the third day of break, one werewolf would be enough to deal with. I often wonder why I didn't go—I might have been able to keep Darryn out of her room if I had.

I woke up the morning after the full moon feeling rather sick like I always did. The others had gone down to breakfast, and I dressed and went down. I dropped onto the bench and nearly fell asleep, like I always did.

"Y'all right, Moony?" Sirius asked, yawning.

"No worse than usual," I mumbled.

"Lia sent this," James said, handing me a badly folded letter. The bad folding was odd—Lia had always loved origami, so her letters were always perfectly folded. My name looked cramped and spiky, too, like she had been writing with her eyes shut.

Puzzling over this, I opened it. The letter was all badly written and very terse. This is what it said:

_Remus, I'm dying. Darryn attacked me last night. Hope for me, but don't come to see me. I don't want to make you go insane, because I would hate myself for all eternity. I love you. Lia._

I reread it, hoping against hope that my eyes were playing tricks on me. They weren't. Feeling dreamily slow I spun around on the bench and ran for the door.

"OY!" Sirius called. "Where're you going?"

"St. Mungos!" I called instinctively, feeling like I was going to break down sobbing, or puke, or do something wild. I heard Sirius shout something, but didn't hear what. When I got out the door I ran into something very tall. "Professor Dumbledore!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, it is I," he said, smiling, then frowning when he saw my face. "Where were you going so hastily?" he asked suspiciously. I mutely handed him the letter. "You were going to St. Mungo's." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, he was, sir," James said behind me. "Why, we don't know." I groaned. All the Marauders were there, and they were the last people I wanted to talk to right now.

Dumbledore, however, ignored them. "You were going," he said calmly, "even though Miss Hathaway explicitly told you not to." It still wasn't a question. I felt like I was getting in trouble for doing this—like I could've done something different.

"Yessir," I whispered through the lump in my throat.

I felt him dissecting me. "Very well. You may go." He handed me the letter. It weighed a little more than it had, and a galleon fell out onto the floor with a plink as I put it in my pocket. "Take the Knight Bus from Hogsmeade. You have my permission to use the secret passage." I heard Peter whisper behind me. "Go, if you won't think better of it."

"Thank you, professor," I whispered, then ran.

I had my wand out before I had even crossed the threshold of Honeyduke's. The Knight bus zoomed in seconds later, and the usher jumped out.

"Hello, I'm Sean O'Leary—"

"Whatever!" I interrupted. "This is an emergency!" I dropped the galleon into his box and was on before he was. He mutely gave me the receipt and some change. "Keep the change. Use it to tell me how to get into St. Mungo's."

"Y' go up t' th' ugly dummy in green," he said, sounding a bit scared of the amount of money I had just given him, "tell 'er wot yer after an' stip theroo th' window."

"Thanks," I shouted over the creaking of the bus as it careened around the statue in Piccadilly Squareand seconds later it had stopped on a street of department stores in the vicinity of Harrods. I jumped off and ran to the dummy in green. She really was ugly.

"I need to see Lia Hathaway," I said very quickly. She beckoned me in and I "stipped theroo th' window."

I emerged in a large room lit by bubbles full of candles. The room was full of people. A pair of little girls had green spots all over, an Asian witch sat perfectly still and stared at the wall with glassy eyes, and a man near me had a rooster's head. A witch in blue sat at a desk and was apparently doing her best to contain the chaos of the waiting room. I got in the line behind an athletic-looking man with a large carrot stuck up his nose. **(A/N: This last guy is an homage to my grampa. Whenever we play Balderdash, he always has something to say about carrots up people's noses, and he's a triathlete. Just an aside.)**

"Spell damage, fourth floor," the Welcome Witch told him, giggling. He laughed and went up the stairs. "Sir?" she asked me.

"I-I'm here to see Lia Hathaway."

She looked down a long list in front of her. "Room seventeen through that door," she said, pointing to a door on the right. She looked sharply at me as if she had just remembered something, then sighed. I went through the door, trembling.

I found room seventeen. I knocked, and a tall, thin healer with a lot of very white hair opened the door. "Who're you?" he demanded impatiently.

"Remus Lupin," I told him.

"Moony?" Lia said from within. Her voice was soft and weak, but definitely hers.

"Lia!" I called.

"Let him in, Healer Smethwyck," she said. "Mother, could you…."

"Of course." A short woman with brown hair came out. She looked almost exactly like Lia. She looked me over, then hugged me. "Oh, I'm so sorry. You are the world to her."

I went in.

Lia lay on the bed. She was white all over, except for four scars down her face. The same ones I had on mine. Her left hand was missing; so was her right leg below the knee. I took her hand, and the hand that wasn't there. I shook all over.

"I did tell you not to come, Remus," she whispered cynically.

"If you didn't want me to come, why did you send me the letter?"

"Y'see, that's the thing…I did want you to come. I sent the letter because I knew you'd come, but you'd know I didn't want you to."

"I don't get it," I said, smiling sadly.

She did something between a whimper and a laugh. "I don't either, but I don't know if I have time to explain."

I was horrified. "You do! You _do_!"

"I don't think so. Look at me. My hand's missing, my leg's missing, my back's broken, and these scars don't stop at my shirt." Her voice was weakening, but I told myself very firmly that it wasn't. "Remus, I'm dying. I lost more blood than they can put back without damaging my brain. I'm dying, Remus, and Mother knows it, and Smethwyck, and my brother…and you, even if you won't admit it."

"But you're not…" I said it with far less conviction than before.

"I wish. Do this for me: tell Darryn that I forgive him, since it wasn't entirely his fault anyway. And, Remus—" she paused, bit her tongue, and closed her eyes. "Don't follow me. I don't deserve it." She was going, and I could tell. I cried harder.

"Please…please don't go," I whispered. "You're all I have left."

"I love you…" And that was all.

It took a second or two to register. "No," I said, disbelieving. "_No!_"

Smethwyck came running when I shouted. He saw Lia and sighed. "Come on now, Mr. Lupin." He took my arm and tried to pull me away and I hit myself on the head with a bottle. I don't know what I was trying to accomplish even now, but I did manage to knock myself out.

I woke up in the Hogwarts hospital wing. At first I thought that it was the full moon and something had happened to me, but then I remembered. I lay there for a moment just letting that soak in—Lia was dead. Dead. Killed. I opened my eyes. The Marauders were all waiting for me and they looked a bit scared. I think they knew that Lia was dead, even though I knew nobody had told them.

"Hi," I grumbled. They all jumped. They hadn't been looking at me.

"Hi," they chorused.

"Dumbledore told us what was going on," Peter said.

"Is she…?" Sirius left it dangling.

"Yeah," I said after a moment. We were all perfectly silent for a minute.

Then Madam Davison came in. "How are you, Remus?" she asked.

"Fine," I said tonelessly.

She smiled sadly. "Oh, you poor boy. I could give you a Cheering Charm, if you like."

I felt at the moment like that would be cheating. "No, thanks. I just want to go back."

She looked at the small bruise I imagine was on my head. "All right, then."

Immediately upon my return I shut the curtains on my bed and studied, not stopping for anything. I think I was trying not to think about it. After dinner, James said through the curtains that Dumbledore had a message for me and was going to require me to eat, but I didn't listen, even when James' shouting was joined by Sirius and Peter's. I studied all night and kept going all morning. I fell asleep at noon, then studied all night again. And on it went. For four days I didn't eat, drink, or sleep voluntarily. I knew it was taking its toll on me, but I didn't stop.

On the fifth morning James quite forcibly took my notes away and grabbed my chin to force me to look at him. I tore myself weakly away and he put the Impediment Jinx on me.

"I hoped I wouldn't have to do it this way, Remus James Lupin," He said in his soft, dangerous voce, "but you're not giving me any choice. You're killing yourself, Remus."

"So what? At least I'll see them again," I rasped. I hadn't spoken in four days—it's amazing how hard it is to talk after that long, particularly without drinking in between.

There were tears in James' eyes. "You didn't mean that."

"So what if I did?" But I couldn't look at him anymore. I knew he was right. They weren't worth it.

"They weren't the only people who cared about you, Moony."

The jinx wore off, and I got out of my half-lunge. James hugged me, and I hugged him back. I wanted to cry, but I didn't have the water required to do it.

James saw and conjured me a glass of water. "Drink it. You sound horrible." I drank it and fell right to sleep.

**A/N: I'm very sorry. Remus hates me very badly, now—it's the third time I've made him go through this. This is the second to last chapter in this Fanfic. I might take out the "the" in the title of this one and make the sequel "Hear Me Cry." How would that be? If nobody tells, I'm doing that, so if you don't like that, TELL!!**


	10. An Offer, and Moving On

**A/N: THIS IS THE END!!!** **Thank you, all. It has been so touching to have people listen to what I have to say, for once.**

**Chapter X: An Offer, and Moving On**

I woke up in the hospital wing. It was early afternoon. Dumbledore was sitting next to me, staring out the window.

"Professor," I croaked, "do you want to talk to me?"

He shook himself and looked at me. "Yes, that is why I am here. But drink before listening." He poured me a glass of water, and I drank. "If James had waited one more day, you would have died." For a moment, I loathed James. Then I remembered what he had said. Dumbledore settled himself more comfortably in his chair. "Remus James Lupin," he said, "I think you are the unluckiest student ever to come to this school since I became headmaster."

"You didn't really need to tell me that, Professor," I pointed out dryly.

"I suppose not. However, it is imperative we start with that. You had a difficult condition placed upon you at a very early age, and then were bereft of the three most important people in your life." I couldn't remember what "bereft" meant, exactly, but I got the gist. "You have been tested as I have not been, and I think that many would have simply given up hope and died. Despair, Remus, is only for those who see the end beyond any doubt, and none, not even those skilled in divination, may do so. The only two true strengths in a man are hope and love. Both can be taken, both can be renewed, even when it seems impossible. But I cannot give you hope. I can give you reason to hope, but you must find it in yourself to carry on. There is hope for everyone, Remus; one just has to find it. We can all hope for something better."

I had heard from one or two others about Dumbledore's philosophical ramblings, but had never been on the receiving end of one before now. Far from being dull, it was soothing. "Thank you, Professor," I said out of lack of something better to say. He smiled, as if he knew that was why I had said that. "How long have I been here?"

"Three days. We have excused you from classes again, so there is no guilt to be handed out."

Suddenly I remembered something rather uncomfortable. "Professor, what if I don't get a house before school is over? Where will I go? I had been going to stay with Lia, but…I don't think I could face Darryn, and I don't want to press on her mother."

Dumbledore glanced toward the door. "Would you mind," he half-whispered, "staying at the headquarters of a secret society? It could be done, with the proper promises in order."

"Well, what kind of secret society?"

"I will understand completely if you do not wish to come. It is the Order of the Phoenix, and Voldemort had your parents killed because he found out they were in it. Its business is secretly protecting the world from Voldemort and his supporters."

"If I decide to stay there, will I be part of it?"

"You would have to agree to do so after we decided in council whether you were suitable. You are certainly suitable, I think I can safely say, but you will only be in it if you decide to be."

I thought about that. I could probably back out if I decided to, and camp out at James' for a few weeks—not Peter's. He set my teeth on edge, and he would insist that I was his god the whole time I was there. "I think so. If I decide not to, I'll let you know."

"Good enough. Is there anything you wish to tell me?" That could be his slogan.

"No, sir."

"Then I will see you tonight or tomorrow." As he went out the door, he said to me, "I forbid you to hurt yourself."

"Don't worry. I've learned." Madam Davison gave me a quick look over, then proclaimed me "more than sixty percent." I assumed that she meant I was well enough, and she sent me out.

At breakfast the next day, Lily came over to us and sat, oddly enough, next to me and across from James.

"Hi," I said dully.

"Hi," she answered. She didn't look very good; her nose was blotchy and her eyes were red. "Well, after I found out that Lia had…well, I went through her trunk to see if she had anything that she had labeled, like presents and letters. This was for you. There were a few other things, but they were things I don't think she actually meant for you to see." We laughed mirthlessly. She gave me a small green box. It said _Moony, my husband _in gold letters on the top. I blinked tears away.

"Thank you," I rasped.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here, Moony." She kissed me, right there in front of James, then went back to her table. James was looking determinedly at his fried egg, and Sirius was trying not to laugh. I opened the box. On top was a tiny piece of paper folded in Lia's sharp, perfect way. The folding made me cry. It reminded me of the last letter she had sent me. With shaking hands I unfolded it and read it.

_Moony, since I'm your wife now, and this was your entire fault—wait a minute, it was Snape's fault—that's creepy. Anyway, I thought I should give you this. My patronus is a wolf. Isn't that funny? Do patroni (by the way, is that right?) predict…um…your matrimonial prospects? Anyway, cheers to you for thinking of this, and I love you. _

_Lia Lupin (Maybe I won't be Lia Lupin. It doesn't sound good. Do you mind?)_

I sighed. It was so classically Lia. Her roundabout, whimsical style, her strange little observations.I put it in my pocket (it's still there, in the worst of times) and picked up the little silver wolf on a chain that sat on the bottom of the box. My patronus was a wolf, too, so how could hers be, too? I looked closely at it. It did look subtly different from mine. Mine looked sad and lonely, this sat on its hind legs and looked up expectantly, like it was saying, "Would you tell me what you're so sad about?" I wonder how many—patroni—they looked at when they wrote that every patronus is unique in the textbooks. I put it on, and have never taken it off.

I thought I did very well on my N.E.W.T.s. My Defense Against the Dark Arts examiner was particularly impressed. I thought I failed rather badly on History of Magic, but I hadn't expected to do well on that. Sirius was panicking because he thought he had failed Arithmancy—he wanted to work at Gringotts, even though he claimed the goblins made him shiver. James wanted to play seeker for the Chudley Cannons, and Peter said he had everything sorted out, but he refused to tell us what he had sorted out. I house hunted. Life went on as usual, sort of.

Three days before school ended, we were sitting under our favorite tree next to the lake, when Padfoot went to talk to his girlfriend Rachel. We understood that there had been some major fallings-out between them, and, sure enough, barely thirty seconds passed before we could hear them shouting a hundred yards away. He came back after a particularly well-put insult, glowering.

"I give up on girls," he snapped, chucking a rock at the giant squid.

"Fine by us," James said tranquilly. "They're probably happy too. You've never had one for more than, what was it, three months?"

"Five, thank you very little. But it doesn't matter anyway."

"I'm sure it doesn't," I muttered. "I'm also sure you won't give up."

When we had all gone to the train station, Dumbledore caught me just before the train came in.

"You will have to apparate," he told me. "The train can be followed, and so can you."

"All right," I said hesitantly. "Can I say goodbye to everybody first?"

"Take your time. We have as long as we want."

I went back to the Marauders to say goodbye. Lily gave me her phone number (James looked sickened), Sirius told me to look him up when I moved to London, and Peter just looked very nervous. I was puzzled about that, but that was how it was. I went back to Professor Dumbledore. I was done with Hogwarts, I thought.

**The End**

**A/n: As a sort of closing note, did you know that a dumbledor, in hobbit verse, is a sort of bug? Hear Me Howl should be up before Xmas, but if it's not, I probably won't have time until mid-January. Thank you again for R&R-ing, and be sure to check out my other stories. :) I think I'll be starting one about Cho Chang as a spy for Prof. Umbridge, so keepan eye peeled.**


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